Yo. You ever been in a situation where the vibe drops, the room gets awkward, and somebody says,
“Damn… we need a freestyle right now…”
and everyone turns and looks at you like you’re the wizard?
Well now you can just smile, nod knowingly, and dramatically slam your hand onto the Official Fungi Flows Freestyle Emergency Button™.
This high-tech, hyper-advanced, quantum-powered (plastic) device emits a mystical BOOP, instantly alerting the universe that Bars Are Required.
Does it summon Fungi?
NO.
Does it make you feel like the main character in a cypher anime?
ABSOLUTELY.
Ideal for:
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Jumpstarting the party
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Impressing strangers
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Confusing TSA agents
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Slapping when someone says “I could rap too if I tried”
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Slapping again for emphasis
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Slapping a third time because it’s funny
Each emergency button includes:
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One (1) bright red button
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One (1) tiny golden sticker that says “Certified Flow Operator”
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Zero (0) actual magic powers
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Enough spiritual placebo energy to keep the freestyle gods satisfied
Disclaimer:
This product does not summon Fungi Flows.
This product does not improve your freestyle.
This product may, however, increase your belief that you can freestyle, which—let’s be honest—is 90% of the battle.
If you press this more than 3 times in a row, you must legally announce:
“Bars are incoming. Prepare yourselves.”
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